Meditating On Relationships

True meditation is simply resting in our natural state. Our natural state is expanded and relaxed, at peace and in harmony with the world around us. There is an overall sense of fluidity, joy and lack of conflict. Meditation is the anchoring of our awareness in this deepest place that is beyond our circumstances, beyond the emotions that our circumstances invoke, beyond beliefs that create our emotional reactions, and beyond our past experiences – into a place of clarity, vision, connection and spaciousness. In our daily lives, while relationships seem to bring us many challenges (seemingly pulling us further away from inner peace), they are in fact the doorway in because they show us exactly where we have blocked our awareness of the peace that is already and always here.

In Daily Practice

As we sit in our daily practice, the idea is simply to cease entertaining the endless thoughts, to stop fighting the emotional energy, to end our attempts at trying to create a meditative experience, and to just allow all these details to come and go. In this letting go of control there is a gradual sinking into stillness. We are dropping through the layers of conditioning, beliefs and emotions and the energy imprints that they leave in our beings. Rather than trying to create a meditative experience, the most effective way to sink through these layers of tension, dissonance, resistance and conflict is to simply bring them into the folds of our awareness with curiosity, acceptance and openness.

Reflect on Relationships

Our relationships expose the unconscious layers of tension perhaps better than anything. In particular we can use our challenging relationships and our reactions to them as a means to discover where we are holding resistance and conflict in our systems, and as a result pulling away from ease and deep connection. When I sit in meditation, I notice that as I settle into stillness, very often the first part of my practice is spent being with my reaction to various interactions that I’ve had over the course of my day – to children, my partner, students, clients, friends and even strangers that I’ve crossed paths with. Often, when I’m honest with myself I notice judgment, irritation, and something in me arising to control the situation. I’ve found that when I let go of stories about what should or shouldn’t have happened and rather simply notice how my body responds to that particular relationship, a feeling of spaciousness and broader perspective emerges. For example, when my children share with me their challenges, rather than simply listening I might find myself getting tense and fearful, giving unsolicited advice or questioning their choices. Later, in meditation, I might notice that the conversation highlighted heaviness in my chest and tightness in my throat. In being present to the sensation without referring to my mind and its stories about it, I find that I’m able to clearly see that the fear and resistance that I was feeling are all about wanting to protect them from things that are painful to me. As I sink beneath this particular energy through meditation, I encounter that place in me that has full faith in their ability to find their way through challenges. I also have access to greater wisdom and meaningful advice for them that is empowering rather than controlling.

Let Go Of Details

Be aware that when meditating on relationships, the mind will have a strong tendency to explain, rationalize, relive stories or try to fix a perceived problem. Let go to the details, the justification, or the judgment. Rather, simply be curious about how your system is reacting. How does this particular relationship cause you to feel? Can you simply be present with the sensation in the body? Can you let go of categorizing the sensation as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, trusting that all energy is ultimately friendly regardless of the mind’s opinion and tendency to grasp at pleasurable sensations and reject unpleasant sensations?

Understand that when your being is ready to release a certain energy pattern it will draw to it any situation or relationship that will highlight it. This is entirely natural because our true spiritual nature will eventually mine out and release all of the aspects of ourselves that are not authentic. Relationships happen to be the perfect mirror for what is calling to be looked at in order to move into alignment with our highest potential. What we see in others – good or bad, like or dislike – is in us. It’s beautifully simple.