Focus on Hope

According to The Encarta World Dictionary, hope is defined as:

1) To have a wish to get or do something or for something to happen or be true, especially something that seems possible or likely; 2) A wish or desire: something that somebody wants to have or do or wants to happen or be true; 3) Source of success or relief: somebody or something that seems likely to bring success or relief.

No matter how difficult one’s situation is, to have hope is to have faith that things will get better. When hope is lost, despair is sure to follow.

Despair is depressing; it is encased in shrouds of pessimism and isolation. Despair is a result of prolonged hopelessness, an inability to handle life because no matter what you do, all roads lead to a dead-end. The individual essentially becomes incapacitated and unable to make good decisions. The body cannot remain in this conflicted state for long. One must find a way to climb out of the hole or clinical depression will surely follow.

To experience episodes of despair, hopelessness, and powerlessness is part of being human. Take a moment to revisit a time in your life when an experience made you feel alone, without hope or encouragement. How long were you in that state? Were you ready to give up? How did you handle that situation? How long before you were able to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel? Did someone help you on your journey back to hope or did you find the course yourself?

Now think about your family, friends, and co-workers. Do you believe that experiencing despair, hopelessness, and powerlessness can give you the tools to help those close to you climb out of their own holes?

Alternatively, because of your own negative experience, do you find yourself shying away from helping those in similar situations? If so, that’s OK; it is human nature to protect oneself and to move to safer ground.

Sometimes an emotional trigger will result in anger or resentment. You might rationalize your emotional state by saying, “I had to deal with my problems without any help; no one came to my rescue. Let them figure it out on their own.” This response is not a healthy one and should alert you that perhaps you have not truly resolved your own issues. It is a good thing to become self-aware that something needs to be resolved within you.

You cannot help others until you help yourself. Think of the airplane analogy: when the oxygen masks come down, you are instructed to put yours on first, then assist small children and others who might be in need. This is not a selfish gesture but merely an intelligent one. If you do not put on that oxygen mask first, you risk passing out from oxygen deprivation and then you will not be any help to anyone else.

So the next time you find yourself in a situation that calls for helping someone else in despair, think about how you might restore, once again, this person’s belief in hope. It is by restoring hope that healing can begin.

Remember when someone is in a state of despair, it is difficult to see beyond the pain. Therefore, making reassuring statements is not going to be enough. You must assist that individual in finding hope again. Here are a few suggestions to help in the restorative process:

1. Talk about the situation. Encourage storytelling about the situation as a way to push away negative thoughts.

2. Talk about the cycle of hopelessness and despair; as long as the cycle continues, change is impossible.

3. Explore alternatives and help others focus on re-establishing goals.

4. Assist others in finding new ways to circumvent the barriers of despair.

5. Find alternatives to functioning within the limitations of their situation so that they can find love and peace once again.

6. Talk about misconceptions and uncertainty, and look for solutions.

7. Knowledge is power. We are masters of our own life and we are quite capable of exploring alternative choices and solutions. The only thing that is certain in life is death and taxes.

In order to achieve emotional health, grief must be experienced. So don’t shelter others from the pain of grief, but encourage the process.

The world can be a scary place at times; we see pain and suffering all around us. It is easy to fall prey to despair and hopelessness. Amidst all the pain and suffering are beauty, meaning, and perspective. It takes courage to grow and experience all that life throws in our path. Who said life was ever going to be easy? We were put on this planet to live. There are no guarantees that by living we somehow can cheat the pain.

I believe in the phrase “every cloud has a silver lining.” You just have to take the time to find yours.

In health and wellness,
Dr. Linda Mundorff