Vacationing with the Extended Family

Summer holidays can be fun and relaxing however when grown-up siblings get together they can be anything but relaxing. Tensions can easily arise if parenting styles are different and families are sharing close quarters. If you're planning to spend some vacation time this summer with your siblings and their families, here are some tips to help you navigate those tricky waters.

First, begin with the end in mind. Fast forward to the last day of the holiday and pretend to look back on the week. What memories would you like to walk away with? What memories do you want your children to walk away with? What can you do to make sure what you want to create, happens?

Second, keep in mind the relationship you want to foster with siblings that will continue far beyond the holiday time together. With that foremost in your mind, you will be better able to let things go, and not make every small annoyance a 10 on your sensitivity scale.

Third, take some time out each day on the vacation to regroup with your own family—just you, your spouse, and your children. Perhaps you could take a walk or go out for ice cream. Reconnect with your family for about 30 minutes and while you're out together focus on your children. Ask them to share the best thing that happened to them that day. Just ask one question per outing so that they don't get the feeling that each time you connect they're getting the third degree. Another time find out what they'd like to do but haven't had a chance to yet? Another time ask if they had to change one thing about the holiday thus far, what might it be? Family vacations tend to be for the kids, so if they're having a great time, so will you. Give the kids lots of opportunities to share their thoughts, and if they don't want to share, that's okay too. Use the time to be together. Just getting out for a bit on your own, without the larger extended family along, may help to dispel any tension within the mega group.

Fourth, share with your children and siblings what you are enjoying about the vacation. In other words, affirm for yourself the wonderful parts of the holiday. The positive energy you will generate can go miles in helping you cope with the tensions that often surface when families congregate.