Mothers Masquerade: Masking Your Feelings Can Lead to Stress

Have you ever found yourself telling other moms what a great day you had when, in fact, you didn't?

Have you ever talked about your partner in a loving way to your friends, yet inside you were actually enraged or resentful?

Have you posted a sunshine-filled Facebook status when you actually felt there was only rain ahead?

Haven't we all been there?

In the face of challenging times, many moms confide to me the stress of needing to appear much more cheery than they are and the pressure this puts on them emotionally. I am pretty sure it's all normal and "faking it to make it" can't be all bad, right?

Well, in small doses it might be OK, but herein lies the concern—knowing when your inauthentic behaviors are hurting you.

Masking your feelings can lead to unneeded stress, which can contribute to depression. It can even negatively affect body fat retention by messing with your hormones that naturally fight fat retention.

Carmen Jubinville, life coach to moms, says:

"You are masquerading if you find yourself always doing or taking on things that you don't really want to do. If you are constantly explaining yourself and your choices to others, this is also a red light. Last but not least, if you are comparing yourself to others."

How to Cope

What's the best way to cope with the pressures of feeling the need to be the perfect mom and partner, and where is the balance?

I think sometimes we are on such auto-pilot that we don't even know it's happening until it's too late. There is no judgment in the above as most of us have been there. The key is to have accountability systems in place.

Here are 3 suggestions to get on the path of authenticity.

1. When  asked to do something, don't say yes right away. Really take the time to evaluate your time and how you want to spend it before you say YES. Tell people you will let them know in a couple days.

2. Commit to sharing your parenting or relationships shortcomings with other moms you trust instead of feeling pressured to present as supermom or superwife.

3. When you feel you've overcommitted or overdone things that aren't feeding you emotionally or spiritually, take responsibility before you dig yourself a hole you can't get out of. That's right: back out, change your mind, and acknowledge you have made a mistake. You cannot and should not please others at the expense of yourself. It is a complete recipe for disaster in self-care and in relationships.

While it is hard to make all the right decisions, it is never too late to step back and re-evalute how to make this moment better, this day better, and this life better for you by not getting sucked into too many demands just because you're afraid to be human.

Cheers,

Andrea

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