Oxygen

Although I don’t fly often, I still remember the standard safety lecture given prior to takeoff. One line in particular stays with me. It goes like this: “If you are traveling with small children, place your own oxygen mask on before assisting them”. The reason is obvious. If you are unconscious, you’re no help to anyone! I believe there is something applicable to a lot more than air travel here.

As parents, our instinct is to put our children first. Right? If you don’t, then you’re lumped in the dreaded category of “bad parent”. I don’t think any of us want to end up there! We’re sensitive to the judgment of our friends, society, and our own parents. Consequently, we read Goodnight Moon to our preschooler for the twentieth time, becoming grouchier with each word. We agree to run the PTO bake sale, even though we’re already on three other committees. We go the proverbial extra mile, even though we’re near collapse. And when we do, we’re rewarded with approving nods from fellow parents for our “dedication” to our children. We might even feel a little smug! Unfortunately, sooner or later, “above and beyond” takes a nasty toll. We find ourselves resentful, and begin hating Goodnight Moon, bake sales, and parental responsibilities in general.

It doesn’t need to be this way. Tending to our own needs goes a long way to preventing parental overload and all the unpleasant emotional baggage that comes with it. When my third child was born, I quickly realized I needed some personal time alone. My husband would keep the children while I took a break from mothering. I left the house (this was critical!) and escaped to a movie, lunch out, afternoon at the park, or whatever… and enjoyed some blissful peace and quiet! I made a habit of this at least once a month. When I tell people this, I get comments like, “Wow, are you lucky! I could never do that.” Hearing this always makes me a little sad. I have yet to meet a parent who couldn’t work out an hour to themselves now and then, if only they would make it a priority. Prioritizing is the real problem. This time was my “oxygen mask”. By caring for myself, I became a better mother for my children. I was able to fully attend to them because I had fully attended to myself.

Look at your schedule. Is every minute spoken for? If so, explore how can you carve out some time to nurture yourself? What is truly essential, and what are you doing from a sense of obligation? Find the time to answer these questions. Then plan for some regular parental Rest & Relaxation. If possible, trade babysitting with a friend. Make a deal with your spouse. Do it again and again until it becomes habit. Someday your kids will thank you for setting a good example! You’ll be a better parent if you can grab that oxygen mask before things get critical. Oh…and one more thing - don’t forget to breathe!