Enhance A Child's Self-Love

Say what you want about the state of the world, but we’re certainly living in an exciting age. As Charles Dickens once wrote, it certainly is the best of times and the worst of times.

On the one hand, pollution remains a growing threat, we are killing millions of helpless animals every day for everything from hamburgers to patent leather shoes and the media streams a constant barrage of stories about terrorism, divorce, toxic water, top soil erosion and war.

But on the other hand, we are enjoying an absolute explosion of evolution on every front; in technology, nutrition and spirituality.

Children today are definitely more aware of the world around us than our generation ever was, and we as parents are much more connected and in touch with our world than our parents’ generation. There is a massive shift underway on the planet that is literally deleting old programs for anyone and everyone who is open-minded and wants to move forward ... and by forward I mean living on purpose and in bliss.

There is a consciousness which creates that inner state of joy all the time no matter what is happening. It is the same consciousness we observe in babies who smile and coo just for the joy of it, even when no one is watching. Underneath our sometimes foul moods and feelings of anxiety, there is one state that never changes and it is so peaceful, so beautiful, it really is sublime.

Loving our children is our biggest, most important privilege and no matter what fame or success or worldly goals we may achieve, if we fall short in our task of child rearing, we can never be truly fulfilled.

With that in mind, here are my three absolutes when it comes to parenting:

Love Myself

It is impossible to give the depth of our compassion and patience and sensitivity if we do not possess it ourselves! Every mom knows how easy it is to put ourselves last, and of course there are times when this is inevitable - especially in the beginning of our motherhood career.

Caring for babies and small children is an intense occupation. But, we simply must remember to make ourselves a priority from time to time, because so much depends upon us feeling and acting positive and resourceful..

Cheryl Richardson, author and Life Coach wrote a book several years ago called Take Time For Your Life described the concept of radical self-care. When I read it I couldn’t even totally imagine what that would look like ... but today I live it. It is actually simple, basic things like saying ‘no’ BEFORE you get overwhelmed. Having an ‘absolute YES’ list of priorities which are fulfilling to you, and even just going to the bathroom when you need to instead of denying your body’s wisdom.

It takes discipline not to allow myself to be pulled in all directions by the three gorgeous guys I live with. I call it ‘centering in self’ or being ‘self-centered.’ It sounds selfish, but it isn’t, because it takes the big picture into account.

When I am whole, I am simply more - happier, calmer, resourceful, relaxed, fun, gentle, and as a result, everyone benefits! Like I tell my husband, ‘Happy wife = happy Life’. This works.

Love Their Father

If I had to be honest, this one is the hardest, the easiest and the most complicated challenge, and yet is critical to how everything unfolds for us all. Nothing hurts children more than watching their parents fight. Whether it is suppressed or expressed, children feel the tension, and suffer deeply.

I love and adore my husband Luke, but nobody else has the ability to annoy, disturb or enrage me the way that he does. Especially when he doesn’t set a good example for our boys – you know, by eating junk food or smoking.

But I have come … no, that would be lying ... I am coming more and more to the understanding that he is his own man and that it isn’t my business what his issues are. And though he isn’t perfect, he loves us, is there for me and the boys and we love him! The better I can appreciate what he is and what he isn’t, the more it nurtures all of our souls. Above all, he is my soft place to land. May I be his.

Give Your Child Your Undivided Attention

This isn’t always practical or necessary every minute of the day, but it is of paramount importance to take time to devote our undivided attention to our children in meaningful snippets.

Even seconds at a time while zipping up a jacket, or handing over a toy can be a nourishing experience. When you do these things, look into your child’s eyes and give them a smile. This tells them they are good and worthy of love without saying a word - trust me, they will get the message. Sometimes just a wink can say volumes.

Take 10 minutes, just 10, to get down on the ground with them while they are playing, not necessarily to play with them (unless they invite you and you want to) but to just share in their company and enjoy the same space. No correcting or suggesting or reminding, just being with them as they ‘do their thing’ and enjoying it together.

When everyone is eating remember to take a minute to relax, chew slowly, put your utensils down in between bites and breathe. Give a soft smile, look into everyone’s eyes, feel in your heart your gratitude and enjoy their company. The bounty at your table - even amidst the chaos that can often take place with young ones - is important to soak up.

Take 20 minutes at bedtime to be fully present to their unwinding of their day as you guide them into dream land with your soft singing or whatever your family rituals are. These moments will last a lifetime!

You know what moments truly demand your absolute attention, the moments they are trusting you with all their heart. These moments will vary from day to day, and others will be more uniform and regular, but they are all so special to your children. They make up the fabric of their childhood. Especially moments where they are very emotional…just BE there, present, accepting, and non-judgemental. That is love.

I love all you moms out there and my hat is off to us all for the incredible job we are doing, this sacred work of parenting.