Mind Body & Spirit

Personal growth and development is a path of self discovery. We make a conscious decision to begin a process to seek understanding about our lives and ourselves. Once we embark on this path, we become aware of the numerous venues to choose from: different types of therapy, self help groups, self reflection, body work, meditation, yoga, energy work, journal writing, etc. Walk into any bookstore and look at the vast number of self-help books on the shelves. The choices can be confusing and overwhelming. Where do you begin? First, realize that only you can determine your direction. Our intuitive wisdom is always communicating with us, guiding us towards self-improvement, and reaching our true potential. With practice, we learn to quiet our minds and tap into this infinite wisdom for guidance. Sometimes our intuitive wisdom is blocked by our pain, fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs. When this happens, we can benefit from outside support to access it. Have you noticed, at times when you need guidance, someone comes along, or you read or hear something that has relevance for you? Some people believe these incidents are coincidence. Others say they are synchronicity: that which is meant to be. No matter how we see it, there is usually a message, or a lesson, to be learned from these encounters.

Many possibilities exist to awaken our core self. In psychology, this core self is referred to as our authentic self, essential self or true self. In spirituality, it is called divine self, spirit, intuitive voice, intuitive wisdom, or inner guidance. It doesn’t matter what we call it, the process is the same. We begin life whole, in a state of joyful bliss, with feelings of connection to everyone and everything in the universe (Hendrix & Hunt, 2003). As we journey through life, our core self becomes repressed by our childhood experiences, life events and conformity to other peoples’ expectations. As children, we are keen observers of the behaviors and actions of our parents, friends, teachers, and TV characters. Wanting to fit in, we learn what to do, say and think in order to gain love and acceptance. Society molds us to fit in, and encourages us to be like everybody else. Consequently, we disown or repress those aspects of ourselves which others find unacceptable or unlovable. These aspects may include the way we look and talk, and our beliefs. They can affect our interests, abilities, and self-esteem. No matter how well we are brought up, our sense of wholeness diminishes. Very few of us have sustained our childhood feelings of aliveness and well-being.

Our brain has an instinctual drive to restore the feelings of aliveness and wholeness with which we came into the world. Once we make the decision to embark on a journey of personal growth and development, our goal is to remove all the layers of

fear and doubt. We are no longer driven by others’ expectations, or by our own negative perceptions and beliefs. We reclaim our uniqueness, our core self. Along the way, we experience glimpses that we are on the right track by the energy exuded in our hearts. I call it being in the zone. However, walking this path to remove the layers of fear, pain, and doubt is not for the weak of heart. It requires courage to look within and bring repressed experiences, thoughts, and feelings into consciousness.

Accessing my core-self has been a life-long process of learning. I began in my mid-thirties during my mid-life search for self, an important developmental stage. (As we grow, we pass through different stages where we accomplish tasks needed to develop into mature and responsible individuals.) I know I have accessed my core self when my heart is exuding love, doing cartwheels, and singing. Every time I go within, and remove blockages of fear and pain, the more I am able to hear my intuitive voice, the spark of God within. The deeper the work, and the more blockages that are removed, the longer I sustain this vibrant energy. This experience becomes motivation for continuing the work. Once these feelings are experienced, there is no turning back. Fear may cause a temporary backslide or breakdown. However, by continuing the process, we overcome the fear and return to a place of aliveness where day-to-day miracles happen. In this place, there is no struggle and life flows, just as it should. The people I encounter are loving, kind, and generous. The world is a joyous place.

In this column, I will discuss the journey home to self through a number of sources: the psychological and spiritual literature which has helped me to understand this process; my personal experiences; and the experiences of hundreds of people I worked with over the years as a therapist and social worker.

At this point, you may be wondering where and how you can begin this process. By virtue of having read this far shows you have already begun! In broad strokes, the hallmarks of this path consist of following five steps. First, make a decision to embark on the path. Second, enhance and improve your awareness by acquiring the knowledge. Third, have the courage to examine the issues and consider actions which may be contrary to your upbringing, social conditioning, beliefs, and perceptions. This process empowers you to make different choices in living your life. The next step requires action. Insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting different results. Set aside your fears and make different choices, which feel right for you, to manifest the results you seek. Realize these steps are not a linear process, there is some overlap. Sometimes you will regress backwards, or need a pause. Integrating these changes takes time and patience, and requires support. You are ready for the last step when you have a willingness to help others on their path.

Every day we face choices in living our lives. Living life in fullness means experiencing everything life has to offer. Life is much like the weather, which is always changing; however, the earth needs all the elements to sustain growth. The same is true for us. Challenging and painful experiences are difficult to bear, however they make us stronger, help us to evolve, and teach us important lessons. The most important lessons come from pain and suffering. They are the ones which create the paradigm shift and hurl us into a new way of being, a new perception of ourselves. Once this happens, there is no turning back to the old way of being. Learn to live life with your eyes wide open, in a state of consciousness. I call it living life in Technicolor. So what choices are you making? There is no right or wrong, yet it’s all about the choices. What will yours be? In the words of Abraham Maslow, psychologist and one of the founders of the human potential movement:

"One can choose to go back toward safety, or forward towards growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; Fear must be overcome again and again."

Reference: Hendrix, H. & Hunt, H.L. (2003). Getting the Love You Want Workbook. New York: Atria Books.